Because I Love You
Because I love you- it sounds like the next big romcom. This saying usually comes from a place of love and sincerity. Unfortunately, this is not always true. Sometimes in relationships those words can be used to isolate, manipulate and control a person. The video below discusses sensitive issues depicted in unhealthy relationships. If this behavior looks familiar to you, please make sure you have someone you can talk to about how it makes you feel.
Watching the video, it is easy to see how the remarks go from mild to much more intense. Realistically, seeing the changes in a person’s relationship is not as obvious as seeing it in the video. The statements start off as “Skip class with me, let’s stay in bed together” and “I just want to be with you so frickin’ much” and escalate to “you should know how dumb that makes me look” and “I should smash your phone.” Words are powerful, especially when they are disguised as heartfelt. DELETE. The act of deleting a contact seems simple, but the behavior is meant to erase the individual from a partner’s life entirely and that’s how someone begins taking control. The video highlighted that one word so intentionally.
It is not uncommon for physical abuse to be the focus when talking about unhealthy relationships. However, other forms of abuse are overlooked in relationships, such as digital abuse, that is a way for verbal and emotional abuse to happen online. As much as possible, try to set boundaries when it comes to your personal space, property and information. As fast as technology came on the scene, so did the problems connected to it.
52% of college women report knowing a friend who has experience violent and abusive dating behaviors including physical, sexual, tech, verbal or controlling abuse.
1 in 3 college students that are dating have given their partner their passwords.
The following are some examples of unhealthy behaviors related to digital abuse among partners:
Tells their partner who they can and can’t be friends with on social media
Sends negative/insulting messages
Uses social media to keep constant tabs on their partner
Takes or requires partner to give their passwords
Constantly texts and gets angry if they aren’t answered immediately
Looks through their partners phone regularly to see who they are talking to
Makes their partner share their location to monitor them
During the pandemic, people are relying heavily on social media, texting and video/phone calls to stay connected with the rest of the world. For some, it is a distraction from the stresses of quarantine. For others, it is a lifeline. Social media has been used in ordinary situations but is now amplified while we need to distance ourselves from others.
As convenient as texting and social media are, they also create the chance for messages to be misinterpreted. It is easier to have the courage to say something behind a keyboard, that otherwise may be difficult to say face-to-face. It is important to maintain healthy communication in the digital age because while it can be helpful to have conversations accessible, it can also be harmful if the communication isn’t clear or the context is hurtful. Take the time to recognize your own behaviors, which is as important as seeing them in a partner. Unhealthy behaviors do not automatically equal abuse, and with technology it is easy for communication to breakdown and unknowingly sound negative. Sometimes it is an opportunity to recognize a problem and address it individually or together. When these behaviors continue and worsen is when there is a larger problem at hand.
Not all relationships are the same, or perfect for that matter. What is important is being aware of things that you like and don’t like in your relationship. If the things that you don’t like are negatively affecting you emotionally and mentally, there are resources and people who can help you start the conversation about deciding what your next step will be.
Local (Syracuse)
Vera House: (315) 468-3260
www.verahouse.org
National (U.S.) 24/7
Loveisrespect hotline: 1-866-331-9474
Text line: Text loveis to 22522
www.loveisrespect.org